morning

Birds song, wonderful way to wake up! The air is full of sound and the thick smell of pine. The mist is lifting off of the mountains like a Japanese ink painting. Life is good. My daughter Nicole turned 18 yesterday. She has had a hard week. A friend of hers was thrown out of a moving car and killed. Strange to hear such news while sitting surrounded in such beauty of the mts. Life, death, circle. It is not so much the fact of dying that is unsettling it is the act of how and this case by whom... Sad we treat ourselves so poorly. Nothing natural about the direction of the human condition.
For me working in a little restaurant, pub for the summer. Taking it easy and having a little fun while working... job hunting for the fall... think I have a teachers assistantship set up, also an internship with an art therapist...along with school... Should prove to be a busy and learning semester...

registered yesterday..back to school..second degree.. and a good path to take, to be of service... get a psychology degree and put together with my art ... I always used my art process to discover my own insanity... My poor teachers at CU who had to put up with my learning process.. funny how fear plays such a part in the emotive process..Since being home with the parents I have discovered myself and all my ways I learned emotional survival, played out and reacted in. I see them in this house hold.. not so much in dad anymore............ In my mother..wow......all my ways of manipulating and how I moved upon the planet came from my mother.. I see her now... I get it she doesn't know any better and can't see her own unhappiness...I have never seen someone so unhappy and freaked out about life.... everything is a battle and she is so defensive, upset, nervous, quick to attack, blame, man she throws incredible energy out there.... over nothing.. well must be a little something from dads side for her to spin so out of control so easily.. I see her as so sad ... I can see it in her eyes, even when she is smiling.... Trapped somehow...She told me the other day she didn't want so many kids.. ( I am the youngest).. She said dad promised to take care of me... well you can imagine how that turned out.. interesting way to tell your daughter that she really didn't want to have another child (me)... at first this hurt and now it is just the way of the planet..I see we don't know how unconscious we are and how our actions creates the setup of the future.... she acts upon that concept unknowingly... I know if she knew better she wouldn't say and do the things she does, toward me.. the mind is a difficult tool to master... I am grateful for the insight and understanding to move forward and work on the mastering of the mind..
back to my birds, meditation,and life...